send me a postcard, drop me a line

[lazyinlove]

"You've got Stan. Check the number and dial again."

Comments

[hostage]

I killed myself. Then I went home and came back.

[lazyinlove]

You...

[He can't possibly have heard that right.]

You what?

[hostage]

I guess I ODed. Some stupid shit. I don't even remember it, but that's what they said.

[lazyinlove]

Jesus Christ. Who said? That's not right. I called Saul when you wouldn't answer and he said...

Jesus. Why? What-god. I didn't know. Oh my god...

[hostage]

I saw that shit. I saw what he said on the network. That two-faced piece of shit, yeah. But Mike wouldn't lie to me and he says I ODed, is what really happened. He found me.

[lazyinlove]

He forgot to mention that to....you overdosed? Shit. Wh-where are you? I...where are my pants? Fuck. Are you okay? Fuck! I don't understand. I thought you were just throwing shade. I didn't know...

[hostage]

I'm fine. That's what I'm calling you for: to tell you I'm fine.

[lazyinlove]

Yeah well maybe I'm not. Alright? Five minutes. I...Lisbeth can spare you for like five minutes right?

[hostage]

Yeah. Sorry. Yeah.

[lazyinlove]

You're there?

[hostage]

I'm at home, yeah. Nobody's here.

[lazyinlove]

[Why is no one there? That can't be good. Damn it.]

Okay. I'lll...yeah.

[He's not a fan of this snow bullshit. It's worse than the rain was, and the rain was pretty horrible. But since this is urgent -it feels urgent anyway- he wraps himself up in Lily's light up sweater and Collete's dorky glittering hat and gloves, and the dead guy's coat and boots. There's no time for a pocket check, so he ignores it for the time being and shuffles out into the snow. Fucking winter. Fucking Jesse. Ugh.

Except that when he finally gets there -finally- he can see a problem. Only one set of tracks lead inside, and they aren't Jesse's. He hesitates, not sure what Lisbeth will do if he knocks on her door twice in the same week. Damn it.]

Uh...Jesse?

[hostage]

[He's been kind of wondering what's taking so long, but then again, it's Stan.]

Yeah?

[lazyinlove]

How long have you been back? Just...okay it's stupid, but um. Your footprints aren't out here and I know it's just the pills but in horror movie scenarios always, like, this would be the moment where the audience goes "Stan, don't go in there!" And then I die.

[Wait, there's at least two things he just said that you probably shouldn't mention to a guy that just got back from death by overdose. Shit.]

[hostage]

[There's a pause as he glances out the window just to confirm that Stan isn't there.]

...Where are you?

[lazyinlove]

...Wait, where are you? I'm here. This is where she lives. I'm positive.

[He was just freaking here a few days ago.]

[hostage]

Oh, shit. I'm not - We don't -

[He sucks in a breath and exhales in a short, mirthless laugh.]

Lisbeth dumped my ass way back. I'm living with Mike.

[lazyinlove]

[There's a soft sound, a surprised inhalation. How's he supposed to avoid saying all the wrong things if no one ever tells him anything? Crap.]

Oh. Uh...I guess I need directions.

[hostage]

Sorry. I forgot... Yeah, hold on.

[He sends over a map he drew a while ago.]

[lazyinlove]

[Now that he knows the right way, Stanley casts one last awkward, unhappy glance at Lisbeth's place and hurries away again. Man, he hates the stupid snow. And walking. And people dying. People really need to stop dying around here.

It takes less time to get from Lisbeth's to Jesse's than from the barn to Lisbeth's, so it's not too long before he's knocking on the door this time. The right door, even.]

[hostage]

[The door opens right away. Jesse's been waiting by it for a while, thinking Stan will probably be freezing by the time he gets there. The house is nice and warm, at least, especially down here by the cast iron furnace. Jesse waves Stan right in.]

Sorry for the mix-up. I couldn't remember if we told anybody or... I just thought everybody knew I was here now.

[lazyinlove]

You never tell me anything.

[Stan says as he enters. It's not in a spiteful tone, not an attempt to provoke an argument. Just a statement of fact as far as he's concerned. He enters without hesitation and leans on the inside wall for a moment, soaking up the heat and shivering. He's got a coat these days, and some boots too. They don't quite fit, which is obvious when he kicks them off. They rub. But they're far warmer than nothing.

He takes a moment to just breathe and shiver, then opens his eyes to see how Jesse is. He hasn't seen the guy since that failed attempt to free him on the moon -which he's lucky only resulted in a couple days of baby moon jail really- and hasn't spoken to him in even longer. Maybe he shouldn't have taken silence as a sign to piss off for a while. He slides down the wall into the little puddle his boots are making, but who cares? It's warm. It's warm and Jesse is back from the dead. A wet ass isn't a big deal.]

[hostage]

[Stan's right, and Jesse drops his gaze in guilt as he shuts the door. For someone so interested in solving other people's problems, he's never been one to open up about his own. It's the whole reason he and Andrea never worked out. And probably why a lot of his friends here are left reeling now.

He killed himself. He killed himself and no one even saw it coming. How could they have, when he leaves them in the dark?]

I'm really sorry.

[lazyinlove]

You should be. Asshole.

[There's no actual venom in the words, though. Stan is sad, confused, anxious...but not angry. He wants to be, but he can't. He's too full of adrenaline , still shaking even now that he's inside. For a guy with a not quite girlfriend who attempts suicide almost like clockwork, he's surprisingly shaken by it. He slips in the puddle when he tries to stand, but catches himself on the wall before he eats floorboards.]

Why? Jesse...did you tell Lisbeth it wasn't her? She needs to know that.

[It's weird to find himself relating to Lisbeth for the second time in a week, but there it is. It feels like absolute shit to have someone try to kill themselves over you. And Lisbeth is screwed up enough. Jesse will understand, right? That he can't leave that hanging over her head?]

[hostage]

[Jesse looks up. He hasn't spoken to Lisbeth yet. He's still coming to terms with the reality of what happened, himself, still searching for the reason. The idea that Lisbeth would be blaming herself... But of course she would. Didn't he blame himself for Jane? God, of course she would.]

I'm gonna tell her. I will. It wasn't her. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't her. She did what she needed to do. I got that. I wasn't - I wasn't mad at her. Or... Christ, she's gotta know that.